Death to Hojo!
by DVL
Summary: Two of my characters decide to kill Hojo (the annoying guy who keeps giving Kagome stuff for her "health problems", in case anyone forgot like me). PG because of some cussing and hitting people on the head with a hammer.


SiriousB1, you have your wish. I shall now sic Wreck on Hojo. I would have done it earlier, but I've never bothered to learn his name and as a result had no idea who you were talking about. NOW I know who you mean. He bugs me too.

Now for the required stuff. I don't own Inuyasha & co. (darn) or Hojo (luckily) so don't say I did. And I think that's obvious without me saying it, which is why I don't usually bother to write disclaimers. But this has my characters in it, so I have to say not to steal them. And therefore I have to say which characters are not mine so I don't care if you steal them.  (That was confusing.) Anyway:

Edge, Wreck, Blaze, and DVL (duh) are mine. Steal them and die a painful death.

*cheerful* Now that we're clear on that, I will start the fic. And Wreck is somewhat lacking in the brain and sanity departments, so don't comment on that. Never cross a baby with a Grim Reaper, the end result will be Wreck. Oh yeah, and Edge can send things between heaven and hell and the living world if he feels like. What a fun power, isn't it?

Wreck also has a weird voice, so keep that in mind. She sounds like Mistral from .hack if that helps. Like a baby.

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*In the mansion*

Edge is sitting in his room, bored because there's no one else around for him to cause bodily harm. Except Wreck and he doesn't get within 50 feet of her if he can help it.

(sudden pounding at door)

Edge: WHAT?

((He wasn't yelling, just so everyone gets that. He's annoyed. He talks in all caps when he's annoyed. Hard to explain.))

Wreck: Can we go somewhere?

Edge: No. If you want to go somewhere than GO and stop bothering me.

Wreck: Blazey did something to my powers and I CAN'T!!! (starts sobbing loudly)

Edge puts the radio on a rock station and turns the volume up as loud as it will go so he doesn't have to listen.

Wreck: WAAH!!!!!! Edgey, PLEASE?

Extremely ticked off at being called Edgey, Edge grabs a sledgehammer, opens the door, and proceeds to pound Wreck into little tiny pieces.

Wreck: (brings herself back to life) WAAAH!!!!!!!!! Why did you do that? WAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edge: Do NOT call me Edgey.

Wreck: *meek* Okay... *normal* But can we PLEASE go somewhere?

Edge: (groans) Like where?

Wreck: Inuyasha.

Edge: I thought we already decided you can't have a pet.

((Reference to "Death to Kagome!" there. Wreck wants Inuyasha for a pet doggie.))

Wreck: NO! Not that! I just wanna hurt Hojo...he showed up again yesterday...

Edge: Who the hell is Hojo?

Wreck: A guy.

Edge: AND?

Wreck: He keeps giving Kagome stuff because her grandpa says she's sick all the time.

Edge: AND?

Wreck: He's annoying.

Edge: (rubbing temples) Baka na...

Wreck: What?

Edge: *very bored or he wouldn't be agreeing* Fine. I'll take you to Inuyasha.

Wreck: YAY!!!!!!!! (hugs Edge violently)

Edge: **_GET YOUR FUCKIN' HANDS OFF OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

~~~

*Later, in present IY at Kagome's high school*

Wreck: HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(everyone within 3 miles turns and stares at Wreck)

Wreck: Why are they all staring at me? (looks about to cry again)

Edge: *yelling* All right, nothing to see, go back to wherever the hell you came from unless you go to this school!

(nobody moves)

Edge: Or you can just go to hell. I can arrange that if you want! (raises arms and blights all plants within 3 miles)

(everyone stops staring and goes back to what they were doing before)

Wreck: Thanks, Edgey—um, Edge.

Edge: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now do whatever the fuck you were gonna do so we can go home.

Wreck: Okay!!!! *yelling again* DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE HOJO IS?!?!?

(everyone stares again)

Edge: (sends everyone within 3 miles except the high school students to hell and revels in the screaming)

The high school students all quiver in fear.

Wreck: Awww...nobody? But I thought he was popular...(pulls out IY anime guide and starts looking)

((I don't know if those exist or not. If they don't, pretend they do.))

Edge: What are you doing?

Wreck: Huh? Oh...(suddenly remembers that she can't read and throws the book to Edge) What does it say about Hojo in there?

Edge: Why do I care? (sends book to hell)

Wreck: You're mean...

Hojo: Excuse me. What do you want?

Wreck: Huh? Oh, just to kill you! (grabs scythe and attacks Hojo)

Hojo: Aah! (runs)

Wreck: They always do that...Don't you wanna play with me? (chases him)

Edge: This could take a while.

Inuyasha & co. show up.

Kagome: Aah! What are you doing to Hojo?!?

Inuyasha: Why do you CARE?

Kagome: Inuyasha, come stop her!

IY: Why?

Kag: Ooh...Osuwari, osuwari, OSUWARI!

IY: (falls flat on his face)

Miroku: I shall assist you, Lady Kagome.

Kag: *sweatdrop* Uh...that's okay, Miroku...

Wreck: (grabs Hojo) Yay! I got him!

Hojo: Let go of me, you maniac!

Wreck: WAAAH!!! EDGE!!!

Edge: You ARE a maniac.

Wreck: WAAAH!!!

Edge: Oh, shut your damn mouth.

Kag: Let Hojo go!

Wreck: :-P  Mine!

Kag: (grabs bow)

Wreck: *confused* But you'll hit him...

Kag: (hits Wreck on the head with the bow, never mind the arrows)

Wreck: *dizzy eyes*

Hojo: Kagome, thank you! (hugs Kagome)

Kag: *blushing*

IY: Hey!

Edge: This is getting stupid. (gets hammer and heads for Hojo)

Hojo: Aah!

Kag: (grabs arrows and starts shooting at Edge)

Edge: *thinking* Is she TRYING to piss me off? (hits Kag on the head with hammer)

Kag: (screams and falls to ground)

IY & co., plus Hojo: HEY!!!

Wreck: YAY!!!

IY and Miroku go for Wreck, while Sango and Shippo attack Edge and Hojo cowers in fear.

Edge: This won't work...

Wreck and Edge switch so Edge has Sango and IY and Wreck has Shippo and Miroku.

Wreck: HI SHIPPO!!!

Shippo: Aah! (starts to run)

Miroku: (grabs Shippo and throws him at Wreck)

Shippo & Wreck: AAAAHHH!!!

Shippo collides with Wreck and they both are knocked out.

Edge: Pathetic baka. (swings hammer and knocks out the others)

Hojo: Uh-oh.

Edge: That's right. Do you have any idea how much of my time you're wasting?!? (swings hammer at Hojo and hits him right in the head)

Hojo: (falls to ground, either dead or close enough)

Wreck: (claps in joy) Yay!!! Ooh, ooh! (stomps on Hojo)

All high school students stare in fear. Then:

Girl: They killed Hojo! Get them!!!

High school students: (attack Edge and Wreck)

Wreck: Aah!

Edge: Shit. (grabs Wreck and runs to portal back to normal world)

*Normal world*

Blaze: Edge? Did you go somewhere?

Edge: Duh. Look at her. (points to Wreck)

Wreck: (jumping up and down clapping and grinning like an idiot) *singsong* Hojo is DE-AD, Hojo is DE-AD, la la la la la...

DVL: Who the hell is Hojo?

Edge: No idea. Looked like an idiot prep.

Blaze: Can't be too important then. Which anime?

Edge: IY.

Blaze: DID YOU KILL MIROKU????

Edge: Was he the guy with the stick?

DVL: Uh-huh. What's wrong with you, Blaze?

Blaze: I WANNA KILL MIROKU!!! (runs to portal and jumps through)

Edge & DVL: (stare)

Wreck: ...Hojo is DE-AD, Hojo is DE-AD, la la la la la!!!

The End

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Okay...I'm done now. I like reviews. Feel free to flame anything except Wreck's personality, anyone else's personality, my writing style, the slightly OOC IY characters, or the whole idea.

In other words, don't flame anything.

~DVL


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